Tabula Rasa
by PenPaperParadise
Summary: *For LostInLost18's Ficcing Challenge 2011* Ben and Rousseau have a chat and an unexpected visitor tells Ben everything he ever wanted to hear. Takes place during the Flash Sideways. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, I don't own any part of LOST. :(

**A/N: **I thought of many scenes that I could choose to use for my Rousseau and Ben scene, but this one seemed the most fitting. Takes place in the flash sideways, at the very end. Enjoy!

Tabula Rasa

Danielle Rousseau walked across the grounds of the church's courtyard. It was late in the evening but the church itself had light streaming through its stained glass windows. There were some trees and benches here and there but Danielle saw him sitting at the concrete table closest to the church doors. And he was not alone.

Benjamin Linus and John Locke were having a conversation that was out of ear's reach for Danielle. John was sitting in a wheelchair which Danielle thought was strange. _Doesn't he know about this place by now?_ she thought. She drew closer to the two but stayed behind a tree to remain out of sight. She listened in to their conversation.

"...I was selfish," Ben said sadly. "Jealous. I wanted everything you had."  
>"What did I have?" John asked with genuine surprise.<p>

"You were special, John," answered Ben. His voice started to quiver. "And I wasn't."  
>John smiled at him.<p>

"Well, if it helps, Ben," said John, "I forgive you."

"Thank you John," Ben replied quietly. "That does help. It matters...more than I can say."

"What are you gonna do now?" inquired John.

"I have some things that I still need to work out," Ben responded, nodding vaguely. "I think I'll stay here a while."

John said nothing and wheeled away. Ben watched him leave and said, "You know, I don't think you need to be in that chair anymore."

John stopped and turned slowly toward Ben. They exchanged a meaningful look that was almost a way of saying thank you. John looked at his legs for a brief second and then slowly raised himself out of the wheelchair. The wheelchair started to wheel away behind him and John let it. He smiled at Ben and said, "Goodbye, Ben."

Ben nodded and John walked up the stairs and into the church. Danielle figured now would be a good time to approach Ben. She stepped out from behind her eavesdropping spot and walked up to him.

"Am I the 'thing' you still needed to work out?" Danielle asked him.

Ben turned to look at her. He looked amused but not surprised that she was there.

"You're one of them, yes," he replied vaguely.

Danielle nodded slowly as she sat down next to Ben on the bench.

The two sat in an awkward silence for a brief moment, staring off into the distance. Danielle looked up at the church.

"So..." she started. "Why did you ask me to come here?"

Ben looked down at his lap.

"I needed to apologize."

Danielle looked at Ben. She was genuinely confused. "For what?"

"For killing your daughter," he answered in a quavering voice. He looked straight into her eyes and she looked right back into his. Danielle was surprised but she let Ben continue.

"Alex died because of me. I was scared. I was selfish. I let her die when I could have stopped it. It was completely my fault, and I –"

"Mr. Linus," Danielle interjected. "I am sorry to interrupt. But I can't help but point out that it doesn't matter."

Ben blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Don't you know what this place is?" Danielle asked.

"You mean Purgatory?" Ben answered, almost cynically.

"Not quite," she explained. "This...place. It is a place where we all get a fresh start. A tabula rasa."

Ben shook his head. "I don't –"

"It is over," said Danielle. "We are all over. Nothing about our past lives matter anymore, don't you see?"

Ben stared at her.

"We all get a clean slate here. Everything you have done, every horrible memory that you have...None of them matter anymore. And this includes the murder of my daughter."

"Danielle, I –" But Ben stopped suddenly. He saw someone approaching from behind Danielle. It was a girl – no, a young woman – with brown hair and jeans and a white shirt. She smiled when she reached them.

"Hi, Daddy," she said.

"Alex..." Ben replied tearfully. He stood up and looked her over. "You're...you're here...Oh, Alex..."

He pulled her into a warm hug and she hugged back.

"Yeah," said Alex. "I'm here."

They pulled apart and Alex turned toward Danielle.

"Hi, Mom," she grinned. Her mother grinned back.

"Hello, Alexandra," said Danielle.

The trio stood staring at each other for a brief moment. Ben started to say something but Alex put her hands up to stop him.

"I don't blame you," she said.

"You don't?" inquired Ben. "But...what about in the temple on the island? You said –"

"That wasn't me," explained Alex. "It was the Man in Black. He was manipulating you to make you follow to John Locke."

"So you never blamed me," Ben stated, remembering what the "Alex" in the temple had said to him.

"No," Alex smiled. "Of course not."

And the grief upon Ben's shoulders suddenly lifted off of him.

But before another word could be said, a bright light could be seen pouring out of the stained glass windows of the church. It spilled over the grounds and everything in sight sparkled in white. It was warm and felt comforting somehow.

"They have moved on," declared Danielle.

"Moved on where?" asked Ben.

Alex and her mother looked at each other. They both grinned at Ben playfully.

"Who knows?" said Danielle. "But don't worry. We won't be separated from them for very long."

The white light was growing brighter and larger. It was drawing the trio in like honey draws in flies and all of them wanted to be in the middle of it.

"Well," Alex said, grabbing each of their hands. "I guess we should go find out what our next adventure is."

"We will," said Ben. He squeezed her hand gently. "Together."

And all three of them walked across the grounds and into the light that was warm and friendly. All of their worries were behind them. All of the pain, all of the tears, all of the anger...It melted behind them as the bright light encircled them.

There was no more blame to felt.

And that was the one thing Benjamin Linus wanted more than anything in the entire world.


End file.
